How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
