fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
