i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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