I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
