I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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