then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
