I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sorry about my life...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
