Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
