Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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