so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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