he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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