According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
