She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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