he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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