I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
