I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
