so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
