I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
