I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
