If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
