I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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