3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This beer is not sobering me up at all
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
