Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Are my feet made of real feet?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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