3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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