***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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