I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
