you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
