She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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