a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
