i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
