Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
