omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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