her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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