I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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