He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
