Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
