I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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