I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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