I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i love accidental penises.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
