I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
