is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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