Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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