I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
ttyl tear gas
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
