Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
