He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
