She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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