it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
so much tequila, so little girl.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
