WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
