Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
