I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
