All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
