yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
