dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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