New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
