Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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