My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
